Dating For The Shy And Introverted

I thought to start I would touch on a subject that is kind of close to home. That would be trying to get out of your comfort zone while getting out there and showing the world who you are. Don’t be afraid of who you are or what you look like because; as the saying goes, ‘you never know who may be falling for the person you are trying to hide.’ Dating is already hard, dating for the shy and introvert is even harder though.

So, you want to get out there and date. The problem: you are shy/introverted. Dating likely seems rather hard for you, for a multitude of different reasons: choices, putting yourself out there, afraid of trying new things, and being scared of rejections among many. You may find yourself worried about different things as well: Will he like you? Are others going to judge you? Are you good enough? You are not alone. These are the things that run through everyone’s mind, certainly not only yours. However, you shouldn’t let these stop you from going out there and getting what you want. Instead, break them down, one by one, and see that they are not as scary as you may believe them to be.


Some choices are hard to make, that is the truth and life. Picking out what to wear, what to eat, where to go to meet. Any one of these are enough to send a chill down your spine just reading them, doesn’t it? Well, take a step back and breathe for a minute. Now, look at it like you are looking through a window at a mall.

First, let’s stop by the clothing store. Find the cutest top with a pair of jeans that show those curves that you are scared, yet proud to have. Yes, even those that you wish that you didn’t have. There is nothing wrong with the way you look, and this outfit is going to make you look amazing. Next are the shoes. Personally, I would go with flats, but, admittedly, I am also a klutz. If you can pull off the heel, own it and be who you are.

Now, let’s walk to the food court. Pick out the place that you love to go with your friends. Even though this is a date, you are going to be talking, which is what you do with your friends, right? Just think of it like that, and so why not do it in a place you are comfortable with? And there you go, that would also cut down on the other choice: where to meet. Meet in a public place where you are comfortable. Conversation can flow freely and you won’t be scared the whole time you are there. Choices might seem hard, but if you look at them from a different perspective,or break them down, they may seem a little easier to deal with.

Putting yourself out there

When you put yourself out there, you are going to learn more things about yourself, and your potential partner, than you ever thought possible. Before I met my one friend, I was always trying to seclude myself; staying locked inside my shell. I had my shell so tight, that not even a nutcracker could break it. But, once you find someone who you are comfortable with, you will slowly be able to open yourself up. Your shell will start to crack away, without you even realizing, until it is a mere invisible, protective liner. So, how do you put yourself out there? Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and believe in the person you are, and know that you are worth more than you give yourself credit for, and you are going to find someone who believes the same.

Afraid to try something new/scared of rejection

I put these two together because I believe that they are related. These are things that everyone is scared of doing, even those claim they aren’t. There is always the chance that you may slip when you try, but without trying, how are you going to know if you like it or not? Rejection is a scary word, no matter how many times you hear it, or see it. If you don’t try going after something, or someone, you like, how are you going to know if you are going to get rejected?

The fear of rejection, the being afraid of doing something new, they could be holding you back from meeting some of the best people in your life, or doing the best things that you never knew you would enjoy doing, because you didn’t want to try. Again, talking from personal experience, without actually trying something, like video games, or even really talking to a guy, I, like many, could have been missing out on a lot. Sometimes that leap of faith is something that you have to try, even with being shy.

He won’t like me

With this one, you really just have to play it by ear. But don’t just stop reading because of the wording there. The problem is, not everyone is going to like you, but that is okay, because it is their loss. I am sure that there are people who you do not necessarily like, so it is bound to happen that there will be people out there that feel the same about you. What you have to think about instead, is the opposite.

Who cares if he doesn’t like you? It just means that he is missing out on a great person. Be true to who you are, be true to how you were brought up (if that is what you want), and remember to not change just because he wants you to. After all- if he doesn’t like you for you, then he isn’t worth your time; that is something that you always need to remember.

Others will judge me

This pretty much goes with the previous subject ‘What if he doesn’t like me?’ You may be looking at others around you, checking to see if they are watching you, judging you. Don’t let them get to you, as hard as that is going to be. With the way that society is, it seems almost second nature to judge someone based on how they look, act, or dress. Sometimes what they say really hurts, but as long as what you are doing, wearing, or saying isn’t hurting anyone else,  it really isn’t anyone’s business. Simply stick true to who you are. And, tying in the third worry here, by sticking true to who you are, you are going to be good enough for the right person. Make sure that you are happy with yourself, and things will fall into place.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, even though you are shy and a little scared. You never know what could happen just by taking a chance on a person. While not every date will work out, there is that one time that it will, and you will be the happiest person you have ever been. You could meet a great person, and it could be life changing for you. This person will open your eyes and show you different things in the world; things that you were too scared to experience before, yet with him, or her depending on your preference, they don’t seem as scary.

Just keep your head up, stay true to you, and believe that there is someone out there for you, even if you are shy or introverted. Remember, you won’t know who is falling for the person you are trying to hide.

Stay true to you,

Miss x




  1. ok, but miss x won’t people judge me anyway? Like even not just on a date, but in life, cause you walk around and people say stuff all the time about what someone else is wearing, or who is dating who and such. So what do you do about that?

    1. First off, thank you for your response. I understand exactly what you’re asking; especially with the way society is now.
      The sad truth is, people are going to still judge no matter how much you ‘try to fit in.’ I can tell you, from personal experience, that it is still going to get to you, hurt you deep down even. But, we have to think about all the good that is said about us as well, especially in these times.
      Think about the good that every one has said to you, especially family and friends. Let this outweigh the bad, and you will see that, even though the bad may hurt, and the judging makes you feel insecure, there are those people who love you for you, because you are beautiful just the way you are.
      When you find the peace and love in what those who care about you, then you can defeat the bad. Remember, no matter what others are saying, just be true to who you are. Love yourself, and love those around you, and soon the passing glances and whispers will disappear in the wind
      There is a quote that was in the movie A Cinderella Story, and is said by Babe Ruth, that I think really works in this setting :“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. There are times when you will feel like giving up on what you like, or who you are, because society thinks that it is weird, and you don’t fit in, but don’t let that get you down. Just be you, stay strong, and just know that there are those out there that love you, and think that you are beautiful just the way you are.
      Miss x

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